“Silver, I may have been awkward back then, but I was responsible and dutiful when I was still in the crib,” Hopper said. “Any act of my younger self that would come back to haunt me occurred only when you and Olympia dragged me into your Daria dramas and cosplay.” Silver was silent. Hopper thought he had hit a nerve. He didn’t hate his sister, not really, and he did not want to hurt her, either.
Reese Witherspoon
Ulysses: The Safety of Fifth Avenue
Hopper believed that his parents had agreed between themselves to use the phrase “My son, the bestselling author” whenever discussing or introducing him. Hopper had heard these five words uttered in the same adoring tone hundreds of times. Now his mother got to add, “I’m adapting my son’s bestselling book for the screen.”
Ulysses: The Tilley-Blandin Family Leaves Westbeth
At that moment, Hopper Tilley-Blandin was feeling mostly…annoyance. Once again -- in his mind -- his mother and his younger sisters Olympia and Silver had foisted upon him an act of fealty to a family whose ties were fraying following his parents’ sudden divorce and his father’s subsequent, freakish death.
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Twelve Drummers Drumming (and One Grieving Husband)
“Mother, 2020 is the year where all the old Christmas traditions get thrown in the dumpster fire,” Olympia said. “But at least we have a fake Christmas tree,” her mother responded. The final installment of the short-story series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
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Eleven Pipers Piping
Silver could not escape the feeling that listening to Taylor Swift made her want to break up with Louis and listening to Joni Mitchell made her want to marry Louis. The eleventh installment of the series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
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Eight Maids A-Milking
Hopper Tilley-Blandin paused at his latest crossroad. This time, the choice was not between this random thing or that random thing. It was not even a choice between the two women, his ex-wife Ingrid Brzezinski or Charlize Theron, the girlfriend who had been on-and-off ghosting him since the onset of the pandemic. No, his choice: retreat to the safety of his family or move forward with someone outside the protective, insulated shell provided his family. The eighth installment of the short-story series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
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Seven Swans A-Swimming
Reese Witherspoon is hosting a Zoom call with Edward Norton, Charlize Theron, Hopper Tilley-Blandin, and Hopper’s parents. The working title of the movie they are discussing is “The Living Canvases.” Hopper hates the title. The seventh installment of the series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
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Three French Hens
How very glad and relieved she was that Reese had not let slip to anyone where she was located. She was also glad that she did not celebrate American holidays like Thanksgiving. It would have only disappointed the expectations of her friends and agent that she did not land a photo on TMZ for her sumptuous, envy-inducing feast. The third installment of the series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas."
Ingrid Wept
In her mind, Ingrid divided the tear into three co-equal parts.
The Secrets of Miss Olympia Tilley-Blandin
Since tweendom, they shared secrets with each other to which no one else was privy. The Tilley-Blandin Sisters Secret File. Every year, over pizza at John’s of Bleecker Street, they shared a single new secret, ranked it compared to previous years’ secrets, wrote them down, and put them in a safe place.
