The following text exchanges were captured from the mobile devices of Huey Newton Wallace, Huey’s ex-girlfriend Olympia Tilley-Blandin, Ingrid Brzezinski, Ingrid’s ex-husband Hopper Tilley-Blandin, the actress Charlize Theron. The fifth installment of the short-story series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
On the day before Thanksgiving, while on their daily stroll through a section of Washington, DC that this nauseatingly cute, white hipster couple had dubbed the “Death Zone,” Silver Tilley-Blandin turned to her boyfriend Louis Guidry and said, “Your name came up again on the internet.” Thus begins the second installment of the series, “The 12 Days of the Tilley-Blandin Coronavirus Christmas.”
The whole reason baseball hats were invented was to keep the sun out of ballplayers’ eyes. However, too many young people choose fashion over practicality, revealing their unsuitability. My daughters deserve better.
As I was listening to Tracee Ellis Ross’ TED talk, my mind turned to the women in my life who say “I’m sorry.”
Since tweendom, they shared secrets with each other to which no one else was privy. The Tilley-Blandin Sisters Secret File. Every year, over pizza at John’s of Bleecker Street, they shared a single new secret, ranked it compared to previous years’ secrets, wrote them down, and put them in a safe place.
Louis returned to sleep, but not the dream of the beignets or the woman. When he finally awoke, he was in the middle of a dystopian vision of heavily armed police officers shooting unarmed white men without provocation. For the last month, since the passage of the PPE Act of 2020 in August, this vision had become a recurrent dream.
Meet Silver Tilley-Blanton, who has yet to decide what to do with her stimulus check and how she is going to survive living by herself with her dog in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic.
Warerugoing? White House. Google Maps told you it is a 20-minute walk. It’s still OK to use Google. Amazon’s out. Google is still OK. Walkity-walk through our nation’s capital with all these early morning people walkity-walking to their important jobs doing important things for all the little people in BFE. Like you, the new White House press secretary.
Two weeks ago, Cillian Lynch opened his eyes for the first time in 12 years. And now it looked like I was his everything. Forty-two years old and I had to be the everything to someone who had not talked to me in 12 years.
Your favorite qualities in a man: Compassion, tenderness, and forgiveness. Your favorite qualities in a woman: Empathy, toughness, and short memory.
