Top 10 Predictions for the 45th President of the United States

#10: He will not be criminally prosecuted or go to jail. However, he will settle civil case after civil case in more jurisdictions than he has fingers. His lawyers will be paid through GoFundMe campaigns.

#9: He will never pay off that $900 million debt, and we will not know how he escaped the debt until the details around #6 (below) emerge.

#8: He will declare more bankruptcies and claim them as business victories.

#7: Because of financial difficulties, he will be forced to sell Mar-a-Lago. To the Obamas.

#6: After Deutsche Bank’s storied history of scandal, the New York State Department of Financial Services will finally revoke the bank’s license because of their dealings with Individual 1.

#5: The presidential portrait of him that will be on display at the White House will be painted by Andy Thomas. In a first, the portrait of the former president will include another person, Ivanka Trump.

#4: Because of unserviceable debt incurred through a high concentration of investment in travel and luxury services (i.e., hotels and golf courses), the Trump Organization will attempt to raise capital by going public. Lack of interest from clear-thinking institutional investors will scuttle the IPO. The Trump Organization will subsequently be acquired in a fire sale by a consortium of hedge funds.

#3: His wife will jet in from New York each year to help him blow out the candles on his birthday cake at his house/presidential library on Hobe Sound. As a condition of his wife’s participation in this ritual, Rosie O’Donnell then pops up out of the cake. Most of his children and grandchildren will join the party via Zoom.

#2: He will continue with the campaign-style rallies, but charge admission. He will also charge for $20 for autographs and $50 for photos.

#1: The man will spend his remaining years surrounded by the very people he despises: the folks who belong in a basket of deplorables. He has no friends. In the past, people congregated around him only because they believed that he would give them something: money, access, or a photo opportunity. Absent money or access, see #2 (above).

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