Like me, you always worry about your children. Always. It doesn’t matter if your child is 5 months old, 5 years old, 25, years old, or 50 years old. It is part of your job description as a parent to worry about your kids. You will always be Mama Grizzly or Ward Cleaver.
Like me, you are also obsessed with lists because, well, just because. Here is a reasonable facsimile of the Top 10 list of priorities in your life once you became a parent:
- Worrying About Your Children
- Is it safe to send your children to school?
- Do your children have access to health care?
- Do you have daughters?
- Do any of your children live with a disability?
- Do your children look different than most of the other kids?
- The Almighty
- Do your children believe in something bigger than themselves?
- Do your children know right from wrong?
- Do your children observe the Golden Rule?
- Is there an afterlife?
- Spying on Your Children on Social Media
- What are your children reading and seeing on Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp, Messenger, WeChat, Instagram, Tumblr, Tik Tok, Twitter, Reddit, Snapchat, Telegram, Medium, or any of those other social media channels?
- Oh god! Please don’t let her be pregnant.
- Oh god! Please will you get her pregnant already.
- Boasting About Your Children
- Not infected!
- Top in his/her class in 2019!
- Still employed!
- Will be taking a gap year and helping out at home before going to college!
- Complaining About Your Children
- When are my children moving out?
- Actually re-reading all the Harry Potter books
- Why won’t my children move back in?
- Lord of the Rings festival for the next two weeks
- Happy Hour When the Grandparents are Watching Your Children
- Cab! Cab! Cab!
- White Russian!
- Beer Me Now!
- Debating “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” v. “Full House”
- Will v. Michelle
- Uncle Phi v. Danny Tanner
- Carlton v. Uncle Joey
- Aunt Viv v. Aunt Becky
- Geoffrey v. Uncle Jesse
- Ashley v. D.J.
- Hilary v. Kimmy Gibbler
- Family Separation
- Are your children detained in cages?
- Have you been coerced into signing away parental rights?
- Are your children in COVID-19 hotspots also known as ORR shelters?
- Are your children lost in the HHS system, never to be reunited with you?
- Worrying About Your Parents
- Why are they still driving?
- They didn’t send money to that scam artist, did they?
- How many times did he/she fall last week?
- Is it cancer, stroke, heart attack, diabetes, COVID, or the Alzheimer’s thing?
Please vote for Joe Biden on November 3. Thanks for your consideration.
The author served as Director of Communications for the Pennsylvania Department of Banking and Securities during Democratic and Republican administrations from 2008-2018. His opinions do not necessarily reflect the policies and views of the department or those of the administration of current Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf.